File Size: 1569 KB
Print Length: 218 pages
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (June 1, 2015)
Publication Date: June 1, 2015
What I like about this guide, in particular, is that is discloses the systematic nature of emotionally immature thinking, which underlies the behavior of parents, lovers, friends, and public figures. By revealing the pattern and then explaining the cause (self-protection), it allows you to depersonalize the behavior and the damage it has done.
For the first time, I can feel "It wasn't me. That was never me. And, it's still not me. " And, for the first time, We truly understand that is actually a fools errand to try to make someone more emotionally mature. It's their path. I need to accept them as they are and decide how I want them in my life, if at all.
Lastly, this book is great for folks whose parents were unable excessively narcissistic, who were unable controlling or grandiose within an exaggerated fashion. One's parents can be stable and sort but still deny a deep connection with their children because that they can't tolerate negative feelings. This guide discloses these more subtle characteristics while explaining that the fallout is not refined to a child's mental development., Thank you Lindsay for being born!!! We have read numerous self help books by various authors over the last three decades but, still, I never received to the heart of what was creating within me a pervasive sense of sadness, loneliness and not belonging. I've lived life mostly on the outside and in a detached way. Rarely did I feel that I fully connected with others. People would say I used to be a very nice person but I could not understand why. I never knew that I was attractive until a buddy told me when I was in my teens. Actually then I thought exactly why is she saying that? We often took a backseat because I didn't have the confidence to remain up and be observed. I really could give numerous examples going way back to my early childhood but suffice to say that Lindsay's book is the storyline of my live.
Now i'm an internalizer. My cousin is and externalizer. In lots of ways my parents weren't mature enough to deal with my sister's temper tantrums and her destructiveness. We was always on the getting ending of my sister's evil doings but my parents blamed me for her s. They would give in to her all the time and at my cost. They had no control of her. My cousin and mother were always together and my dad adored my sister although, I was the maternity they didn't want. Sure, my mother told me that she tried to abort me during the first five months of her pregnancy, however in her words said, I could not get rid of you! So, she said, you had been born and we were tied to you like it or not. I used to be about seven years old at the time and did not fully understand then what she was saying until I grew older.
Mother's jealousy, envy and bitterness towards me were not recognized during the time but, on reflection, These days realize how damaging it was. We reflect back to when We was 15 and the only emotion that We recall was a deep sense of loneliness which I have carried with me since. Who am i not? Where do I fit in? Why do We feel flawed as a human being? Why do I not feel good enough? Never ending questions. In my loneliness We felt an ever closing sorrow that I could not comprehend that, is, until I read Lindsay's guide. I've lived almost all of my life with a multitude of inconsistant and confusing thoughts that neither I or any therapist I've seen or other books I've read has touch the spot really like, 'Emotionally Immature Parents'. The particular decades have gone by and I'm now sixty five... eventually I understand the emotional damage done all through my early childhood and the life long influence it has had on me. However, all the could have's, would have's and should have's won't change a thing but, there's without a doubt and that is, for the relax of my days Items have clarity and an inner peace that We have never had. My heart is lighter and the anger all spent... what a wonderful location to be! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Lindsay. You are and angel in disguise., There are several negative reviews that accuse the book of being judgmental and fostering dangerous, exaggerated attitudes toward parents. I actually didn't see that at all. This guide gives a name to the subtle disengagement, distance and neglect kids suffer as a result of parents who probably do a great job of providing food, clothing, shelter and physical safety.
I broken into tears reading the chapters on internalizers and how they ending upwards dealing with this; it was like reading my life story. I'm not sure my parents were bad enough to be considered true " narcissists, " and I really do believe they love me. Nevertheless they fall so obviously to the " emotional parent" (my Mom) and " passive parent" (my Dad) mcdougal describes, and it was a disastrous combination for my sense of worth. It explained their behavior right down to exact words and phrases they use, and it also explained MY conduct and some of the self-sabotaging choices I've made as an adult. I used to be so relieved to notice it wasn't all in my head, there were things I could because of find real emotional reference to other people, even in my 40s!
I did not come away judging my folks, but rather with new insight how to offer with them, and how not to waste another moment of my life seeking to get through to family members who have no desire to change. Items take my parents as they are and not expect more than they can give, but also start having myself accountable for smart choices now that I have this new information with which to move forwards. I'm so thankful We found this book- it was dead on in its specificity., Through the name to the Epilogue, Dr. Gibson puts her viewers at ease enough to help them help themselves. Those who wouldn't call themselves " abused" can feel comfortable examining how to feel better in their grownup lives when they feel something isn't or was not quite right about how they feel about their parents. Dr. Gibson's concentrate on looking back is never for the sake of fault, but for looking at how one's past shows his or her present and future. I specifically liked her " Maturity Awareness Approach", and her final chapter how to find Emotionally Mature people to befriend. As usual, you took others' research, your own intuition and experience, as well as your clients' encounters to synthesize a ton of helpful information into a readable, practical guide. Many thanks.
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